Thanksgiving

c. freebies.about.com

“It's not happy people who are thankful -It's thankful people who are happy.”  Unknown

So many people go through lives doing the reverse. I know I did. I’ve written about thankfulness before, but it’s definitely worth repeating.

Going through life with a grateful attitude changes your perspective. It doesn’t mean you won’t still get cranky, but it will definitely soothe your ruffled feathers.

I am feeling very grateful this Thanksgiving. I actually have been thankful well before it. I have so many blessings. For anything that might be going wrong in my day, I have 10 more serendipitous things to counterbalance it.

Even though I know I am extremely blessed, dark clouds will sometimes appear, taking my focus off of my blessings. It did today, I allowed myself to be distracted by the things that make work, well, work.

Mary Chapin Carpenter says it well; “I don't want to get mad at the elderly driver in front of me. I don't want to go crazy when my Internet access is messed up. I don't want to be jealous of someone else's success. You could say that this litany of sins indicates that I don't want to be human. The learning curve of gratitude, however, is showing me exactly how human I am.”

But gratitude is a matter of focus…and it takes work. It’s much easier to focus on our annoyances than our blessings. Especially in this day and age in America. We have so much available, that blessings turn into entitlements, and we often don’t realize that we’re grateful, until we don’t have them. And then we’re mad because we don’t have what’s “due us.”

Gratitude has a way of repowering and regenerating. It will fuel you to do amazing things. It’s an act of focus. It’s a decision to make, every moment and I often forget.

“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.” John Milton

c.2012

A news story to brighten your day

Saundra Adams and Chancellor
c. sportsillustrated.cnn.com

Amid all of the recent bad news, it was refreshing and unexpected to find some good news. This was especially touching for me because I remember exactly when this happened.

Thirteen years ago, the Carolina Panthers was a brand new team. I’m not a football fan, but it was hard not to get caught up in the excitement of our town’s first NFL team. Jerry Richardson, the owner of the team, frequented the coffee shop where I worked at the time.

I remember when the day I learned of Rae Carruth. He was all over the news because he had his pregnant ex-girlfriend, Cherika Adams, shot and killed. This was a top news story that captured the attention of everyone. I was particularly interested because the murders took place on the road I took home on every night from my boyfriend at the time’s apartment; right about the same time.

We had broken up the day before. It was a bit chilling to hear the news of that night, to say the least. Relief cut through my sadness; I was so glad I hadn’t been there.

Thirteen years passed, and I have given little thought to it, until today when I saw the headline, Inside story: What happened to the unborn son Rae Carruth tried to kill.

I had forgotten she had given birth to the baby, despite the 4 gunshot wounds. Curious, I read the article, not expecting what I found.

The bullets just missed the baby, but Chancellor Lee Adams was born with cerebral palsy. The doctors originally thought he would never walk or talk, but he is proving them wrong.

Sports Illustrated writer, Thomas Lake said,

c. zimbio.com

On the surface, it's hard to imagine a set of life circumstances much worse than this. Which is why I was so astonished when I saw the boy. It's my job to put things into words, but I still can't find the right words to describe him. None of them say it strongly enough. He is the happiest person I've ever met. There's a light inside him that I've never seen anywhere else. I've talked to several other people about his effect on me, and they say it happened to them too. Wherever he goes -- to church, to physical therapy, to the Special Olympics -- he makes people feel better by his mere presence. When he looks into your eyes and says hello, the whole thing feels almost spiritual. And then, of course, you have to ask yourself: If a kid like this can be so happy, what right do I have to complain?

Read more: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2012/writers/thomas_lake/09/07/rae-carruth/index.html#ixzz26IRAIsZm

I read how Saundra Adams, Chancellor’s grandmother, quit her job and raised him, taking the extra care needed to meet his special needs, including hand feeding him and taking him to his weekly therapy sessions. He learned to speak and is learning to walk. [At 10, the wheelchair bound, Chancellor could take 100 steps on his own.]

"I try to instill lots of positive affirmations, number one," said Saundra Adams, Cherica's mother. "I want Chancellor to know above everything else that he is loved. No matter who is in his life, who may not be in his life, but he is loved unconditionally."

http://www.wcnc.com/video/featured-videos/One-on-one-with-Saundra-Adams-70236807.html

"I believe he is going to overcome every challenge before him. It just takes time."

Adams said.

Pulling my heart a little more, she told News36’s Sonja Gantt that the only one she believes is truly remorseful is hired hit man, Van Brett Watkins. He pulled the trigger. and is serving 40 to 50 years. He's sent her several letters from prison, some even including $5 or $10 to try and help out with the care of Chancellor.

I just love stories like this of how beauty can come from just the depths of stress and ugliness.

c. 2012

Meeting hate with humor

c. Yash Mori

I remember a few weeks ago when I heard that a Neo Nazi hate group was having some sort of shindig in my town.

Do these people really still exist? I thought. I had a passing thought to actually go, just to see what sorts of ridiculousness they talked about. But I was too scared. The convention came and went, and I didn’t think anything more about it.

That is until I saw this headline. 

The event was protested by about 100 clowns!

How perfect! How ingenious, I thought. Juxtaposition at its' finest. I was so proud of the people from my city. [I don't actually know that the protesters are from my city].

Many of the clown protesters were immigrants; the target of the neo nazi group. Though probably the last thing they felt like doing was laughing about their opponents’ hate, they crashed the rally in a lighthearted mood with horns, balloons and funny signs like “White Flour.”

It takes higher thinking to be able to upshift from hate to love. This group flexed  their creative muscles rather than clenching their fists. As a result, they made so much more of a statement!

The protest was organized by the Latin American Coalición, who are a group of Latin Americans, immigrants and allies.

c. Yash Mori

Their unique protest made more of an impact than any sort of violent or ‘disapproving” one would have. As Lacey Williams, the youth coordinator for Charlotte’s Latin American Coalición, told WCNC.

 “We’re dressed like clowns and you’re the ones that look funny."

When you meet hate with kindness things have a hope of working out. [or at least you expose the  jerks for who they are]. When you return hate for hate, everyone goes into defense mode and any hope of communication shuts down.

 All I can say is, “Thanks for showing us how it’s done."

I went to the neo nazi site to see a reaction from them. They actually THANKED the clowns for drawing attention to their rally. 

The clowns could not be reached for comment.

c. 2012

Indifference is as important as passion

guardian.co.uk

 In college, I wanted to be a graphic designer. I thought I was good at it. I had planned for it to be my life’s work. I loved the combination of art, psychology and marketing.

What I did not like was the sales, the business end of things. I preferred to be reclusive in my studio and have people come to me and tell me my stuff was awesome and pay me for it.

Of course that's not how it works. I had to go out and find clients; they rarely came to me. Many times we were on different wavelengths with different visions and they didn’t like the end product.

I was passionate about graphic design, I had my whole career pretty much mapped out, because that’s just how I am, fully vested in my passion. It was hard to separate myself from my work. It was hard to not feel like a complete and utter failure when I didn’t succeed like I thought I should.

For my own sanity, I had to learn a new skill to make my next move…INDIFFERENCE. 

• To Opinions

People are always going to give their opinions; they don’t mean any harm by it, they usually are trying to help. They will err on the safe side. Often those opinions are wrong and will dissuade us from pure awesomeness. Sometimes it’s wise to heed those opinions, but there are other times when it’s best to show indifference to them.

• To Failures

Same thing with failures; Failures will happen. When you are passionate about everything, you can be almost incapacitated when you fail. That is a really brutal blow. And you will not succeed at everything, But you expect the best, while preparing for the worst and MOVE ON with your new knowledge.

• To Bad Moods

People who are passionate are often hardest to work with. They get especially annoyed when they can’t define what they want. Try not to take it personally. It’s not usually about you.

Passion is important for sure. There is no successful businessperson without it; Think Steve Jobs or Howard Schultz. The thing that’s not preached in business classes is that indifference is just as important.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying be indifferent to the after-effects of recklessness. By all means, if you have done damage, clean up your messes. That is not something you want to be indifferent to.

“Nature, after all, is neither kind nor brutal: it just is.  There is such intense drama — the large cat taking down a gazelle, hungry polar bears bearing the burden of an infinite winter, flora fighting for survival. And yet nature is absolutely, mercilessly, indifferent.  We can hear this in the voice of the great nature documentaries we know so well thanks to PBS.”

I could have moped around about how unfair it was that I was an awesome designer that people just couldn’t appreciate, or that it was hard to find clients who would pay what my price. Actually I would have been happy to find a client who paid at all. Many charities and churches paid me in “valuable experiences,” which did help me change course.

So I transferred my focus to what had actually been my passion all along and invested time and energy in that. 

But I still have to show indifference.

No job pays enough if you’re not passionate about it. Passion will get you through all of the frustrations and hitches on the path to your dreams. Indifference will guard you from second best.

Life’s too short for second best.

c.2012

Oh, yes they call him the FREAK...

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I’m not a baseball fan. I don’t really even know how the game is played, but one day at a sports bar, I was entranced by the grace and precision of San Francisco Giants’ Tim Lincecum [who I actually thought was Derek Jeter for a long time]. I am admittedly ignorant.

As a former dancer, I saw a resemblance in his pitches to the attitude turns I used to do in ballet class. I never realized that baseball of all things could be a thing of grace and beauty.

So I became, not a Giants fan, but a Tim Lincecum fan. [My dreamy boyfriend is okay with this]. I found out that Tim is more than a graceful pitcher, he has an interesting story which can be applicable to everyone.

Tim has made his unassuming stature work for him. He is 5’10 and weighs 170 pounds. Ninety-eight mile-per-hour fastballs are unexpected from a figure so unimposing.

Tim is a Cy Young award winner.  He is nationally recognized as a big deal. And he won this prestigious award twice.

So you would think his career would stay rosy, right? Well….maybe not as he had hoped. 2012 was a bad season for the Giants, they lost 15 games. Tim was relegated to the bullpen, which means he was not a starting pitcher…and they weren’t calling on him to pitch at all.

The award-winning pitcher suddenly found himself basically sitting on the bench. What fans did not realize was that he was equally graceful off the field.

Tim could have been filled with jealousy and bitterness [Maybe he was, I don’t know; I’m a two time Cy Young award winner, bitches]. He certainly would have been entitled to it.

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c. Andrew Weber-US PRESSWIRE

His response was very matter-of-fact, "I understand the way I've been going," he said. "My last two starts weren't very great, and other guys have had success coming into this series more than I have. I'm just trying to help my team, and if that means being in the bullpen, it means being in the bullpen."

Instead of reacting, Tim soaked up all of the lessons from the bullpen, along with a huge dose of humility, I would imagine.

Now he is finding himself in the spotlight again as relief pitcher where he gets to regularly save the day.

Lincecum was perfect, as he commanded his change-up and used his slider more freely, not worrying about the potential risk of getting tired from overuse of the pitch later in the game. He is now throwing everything he has at each batter, knowing that it's unlikely he'll face the same hitter twice in the same game.

Tim has kept a clear head through all of this. No doubt it sucked and was very disappointing.

Some players may not like the idea of surrendering the spotlight on baseball’s biggest stage. However, players such as Lincecum who are willing to take a backseat for the greater good of the team usually are rewarded greatly. The fans of San Francisco will never forget how Lincecum performed on and off the field during the 2012 postseason.

I know I haven’t always been as graceful as Tim, in much less important circumstances. I think we are all very prone to thinking with our lower brains in such instances.  It seems so strange to be looking to a professional sports figure for etiquette in that respect, but Tim LIncecum is such a great example of how bad things can happen to good people, but the good people come out on top.

 c. 2012

Election Stress

c.http://i3.kym-cdn.com

 “Man, we can’t let Romney win,” I overheard someone say at one end of the coffeeshop, “This country will go to hell faster than a coon can scamper up a tree.”

I moved over to the other side of the shop, where I basically heard the same discussion.

“If Obama wins, I’m moving to Canada. He’s a socialist.”

With less than a month until the election, many people are finding themselves very stressed out. The thought that their guy might not win is sending many into a frenzy. I can’t even imagine what the candidates are going through.

The stakes are high, the polls are close.

For those who are panicking, it is sometimes helpful to read history’s account of tight elections in the past. This is nothing new. I’ve been reading a lot of WW2 history, and am realizing that nothing really changes. Political discord has always been a part of what makes America great. It makes for great art.

• Give your information flow a rest. Turn off the cable news, or talk radio. An update is okay; constant bombardment, however, will quite possibly drive you crazy.

• We’ve all lived through a “bad” presidency. We’ve all lived through a time when our president of choice was not in office, and we survived it. Maybe grudgingly, but we survived it. We will do so this time as well. It will make SNL much funnier to us.

• It will rouse the other side. The team who didn’t win will work harder on solutions. It can often be just the kick in the pants they need to really get their plans in high gear.

• And if you really, really don’t like the turnout, there’s always Canada….

c.2012

School Days

 

c. fitwoman.com

My dreamy boyfriend and I are going back to school! We’ve discovered Coursera. We are both taking REAL classes online, for free! [I swear this isn’t an ad, at least not a paid one, anyway].

He’s taking Logic and Calculus, from Stanford, because he’s a genius. I am taking a Modern Poetry class from University of Pennsylvania, and LOVING it!! If only I had been as excited about school when it counted.

I go back and forth between sheer exhilaration and nervous insecurity. I turned in my first assignment. What a rush, but I’ve had a pit in my stomach ever since. The familiar feelings of OMG, is it good? But more than that, is it RIGHT? Did I grasp it or did I completely miss the point? Did I include everything? What did I overlook?

I have to tell myself that it’s OK to be wrong [I actually have a lot of practice, I just don’t like it]. I have to give myself permission to be completely wrong. I’m there to learn, right? And constructive criticism is a good thing.

I’m finding that life is not much different than the classroom. Some things I am reminding myself of are to:

Make sure you read all of the directions. I was doing a comparison of William Carlos William’s two versions of Young Woman at a Window, in which I mused, “It is curious why Williams wrote two very similar versions of the poem.” It wasn’t until after I turned it in that I read [in the directions, no less] that only one was published during his lifetime.

Make sure you’re getting enough sleep. Save your work until you are well-rested. Incorporate a nap into your schedule. You’ll be glad you did. I work so much better when I am well-rested. The difference is amazing, yet I always underestimate it.

Block distractions. My mind is constantly carrying on a narrative of what I could or should be doing. I need to go to the bank, grocery store, etc. Right now I’m dwelling on the fact that I keep forgetting to call my friend to tell her I’m taking this class. I should do it now while I’m remembering. No, I should actually go to the class.

Get organized. Tools are no good if you can’t access them. Have a “filing system” for class documents on the computer. This is funny, I haven’t actually done this yet.

Create effective habits. I have to consciously incorporate studying into my schedule.

Don’t ruminate. Stressing about exams, assignments, projects is the worst thing you can do. If you are stressing because you are unprepared, then make the necessary changes. Breathe through it. It’s not the end of the world if you do poorly on them.

Keep an open mind while learning. Go to lectures with an open mind. Let go of any preconceived notions, opinions, biases during the lecture, they will block learning. You will often find that what you thought was wrong.

c. 2012