How to cook a turkey

http://www.seriouseats.com/

My mouth watered any time someone mentioned having a left-over turkey sandwich. You know the kind, chopped thick off the bird with cranberry sauce and maybe some gravy mixed in. 

We went to my grandmother’s for Thanksgiving. It was great. We didn’t have to expend any effort except to eat. The thing is, we didn’t have left-overs.  I simply could not get the idea of warm turkey sandwich for lunch out of my head.

I became mesmerized by it. The next time I was in the grocery store, I got the biggest bird I could find and brought it home, much to my boyfriend’s dismay.

“I’m staying out of it, “ he said. [He actually was a good consultant and a big help].

I am notorious for “over-analysis paralysis.”  I am not a cook and I’ve always done my best to avoid cooking meat. Now that I had a huge raw bird in my fridge, I sort of had to figure out what to do with it....or get off the pot....or something like that.

How hard can it be, I thought.

I was beginning to regret my impulsive decision. The directions I found online just scared me even more, “reach in and pull the giblets out...make sure you sanitize your preparation area of turkey germs afterward with bleach.” Not sure this is what I signed up for.

But there he sat. So the next day I dove in. I cleaned the bird, slathered him in olive oil and popped him in the oven. Every 15 minutes or so, I’d peek in to see how he was progressing. He was browning nicely.

I sliced between the thigh and the breast, per the instructions, to see if the juices ran clear. They did indeed. I even sliced a bit off the top to taste. My, it was tasty.

Well, after a few more adventures and mistakes, we did indeed enjoy some yummy turkey. If I had planned it all out, I am certain I would have become so intimidated by everything involved that I wouldn’t have even started my delicious project.

c. 2013

Reflections on the Ring

c. Lori Colombo-Dunham

 I was on the edge of my seat as Lori Columbo-Dunham described her whirlwind love story in Reflections on the Ring.  It is one that our throw-away culture would think could only end in disaster.

Every marriage is stressful to some degree, but an unplanned pregnancy and a shotgun marriage to a guy she barely knew would not seem the best foundation for a great life-long relationship. Even the most well-intentioned would advise to bail out.

Thank goodness she didn’t, if she had, she would have missed the ride of a lifetime.

She describes her frantic second thoughts as she’s preparing to get married in a cold, bland courthouse, rather than the elegant church wedding she had been previously planning.

She describes their humble beginnings in a cramped, one-sink condo, to their dream home, complete with a yard for her children; leaving nothing out. She describes in detail all of the growing pains; the “what am I supposed to do with this child”, the career changes, the “where is the money going to come from?” 

While both must be invested in it, she describes the untold power the wife holds to either make or break the marriage, just by her responses.

This is certainly not your average marital self-help book. It is her story, but there are quotes from the likes of John Gray and Laura Schlessinger, as well as the Bible peppered throughout. There are questions at the end of the chapters meant to spark discussion or solution.

The best way to learn, I believe, is through a story. Whether you are married or not, you will find it truly inspirational.

c. 2013

Matisse's Mistake

c. commons.wikimedia.org 

Who says mistakes are always bad? Tell that to Henri Matisse who accidentally knocked over the statue he had been working on for weeks. It, of course, broke and crumbled [OMG!].

Well you can imagine his shock and frustration. His wife took him, mid-cringe, for a walk. The best thing you can do, if you can, amidst a bad situation is step back. The solution will often be waiting for you when you come back with new eyes.

Matisse came back to his studio refreshed from the walk and saw the ruins of his sculpture in a different way. He was inspired to paint a nude, but in an unconventional way, using interesting lines and colors. This would be the controversial and buzzworthy Blue Nude [Memory of Biskra 1907].

Blue Nude [Memory of Biskra 1907]
this image is in the public domain

Blue Nude, you may or may not know electrified the art world, inspiring other artists, including Picasso, who actually was green with envy at the sight of it. But don’t worry, he got over it.

Many don’t realize that Matisse was primarily a sculptor. He was inspired to paint after this frustrating mistake. [He did remake the sculpture as Reclining Nude I(Aurora).]

Matisse did what all artists do, took a common art subject; in his case, the nude; and added his touches to it. His use of color and line [which were very progressive for his time] made an ordinary nude, a revolutionary piece of art.

Artists are good at reinventing themselves. They have experience making mistakes. They also have the experience to see that what some people see as an “accident” or a misstep can become a masterpiece when framed the right way.

c. 2013

Threat

c. priceofoil.com

Sheila is bossing everyone around because the idea that she’ll lose control threatens her. Derek is passive aggressive to Sheila because his intelligence and competence are being questioned, [or threatened].

Both are acting snappish to the customers because it’s tense. The customers feel threatened by surliness of the staff so they respond in a like manner. The Café feels more like a battle zone than place of refuge.

Threat doesn’t have to refer to mortal fears, i.e. he threatened her with a gun. Anything that threatens your inner peace or well-being can be stressful.

It is not always possible to employ the “flight” response and leave every stressful situation.

It is also not moral or legal to destroy all of our stressors with the “fight” response.

And “freeze” just postpones things.

So how are we to respond?

Breathe.

Reframe.

Upshift.

Sheila is just as stressed out as Derek about something else. When we can recognize this, it seems less threatening. But it’s hard.

If Derek can recognize that Sheila’s issues are not about him, he can detach. He doesn’t have to be a victim. She ceases to be a threat.

It gets easier with awareness and practice.

It’s still annoying, but can be dealt with in a different manner than a threat would be. This slight tweak in your thinking will change everything. People can sense fear and it causes tension and gruff behavior. Though you still may still respond by fighting or fleeing, but your response won’t be powered by fear and you’ll have more control of the situation.

c. 2013

Guest Post: A Higher Power and a Higher Self By Don Everett Smith Jr.

c. www.merchantcircle.com

You're so mean when you talk/About yourself, you are wrong/

Change the voices in your head/Make them like you instead

         -Pink, “F---in’ Perfect”

In recent months I had been in a funk that almost touched on depression for several different reasons. Because of this I decided to call my old college buddy, Ralph Pinkerton, a writer from Fort Hawke (the home of the Lost Highway and the supposed home of a creature with black wings that the locals have nicknamed the Vampire).

He has stated publicly he is a recovering alcoholic and I consider him almost a scholar in Alcoholic's Anonymous (AA) Big Book. I knew he always offered a certain perspective on life, the universe and everything. And one day he was kind enough to hear me complain. You see, my wife and I were borrowing a car from a friend, because we were far from being able to afford a new one.

"This is not how this was supposed to turn out," I said to Ralph.

"How was it supposed to be?"

"I was supposed to be a famous journalist, comic book writer or screenwriter with, at least, my own car," I said.

(Granted there were several other things I was annoyed about, but for the sake of this blog I wanted to focus on that one issue).

He was quiet for a long, long moment.

"I have always said there are two things that I deal with that can be applied to you," he said.

"What's that?"

"I have always said I need to have more faith in my God and myself," he said.

Without turning this into a discussion of theology, psychologists have said belief in a Higher
Power and prayer help people live happier lives. Check out this April 2013 article about a study
from McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts:

Faith in a higher being has been found to significantly improve treatment for people 
suffering with a psychiatric illness 

"Let me quote from the Twelve Steps of A.A. ‘Made a decision to turn our will and or lives over
to the care of God as we understood Him’," Ralph said.

I had to admit that I had not done that.

Then Ralph asked me, “Do you believe in yourself?”

I had to admit, again, that I was not. Many of the issues I deal with today result from feelings
about myself after several years of elementary school peer victimization.
Or as some psychologists put it - “being bullied.”

“It is time to do something about that,” Ralph said. “Pick one small task and accomplish it.”
He also added, “Do yourself a favor, and keep a sense of humor. It will fill in the cracks left
when your faith in God and yourself is weak.”

I thanked him. I wish I could say I applied it perfectly to my life, but I do my best.
The first I act I did was making my bed. Just accomplishing that one thing was able to help me
feel a little bit better about myself and this led to other positive things.

Look what my wife and I were able to pick up this weekend thanks to the help and knowledge of
several friends: While this is not the end of all my issues and problems, it is, I believe with God's help, some belief in myself, a ton of assistance from my friends and the love of my wife Laura, it is a new
start.

c. Don Smith

Sometimes, that is all we need.
Thanks, Brooke, for the spot!

c. 2013

Helen Keller, a lesson in optimism

c. biography.com

 After learning of Gertrude Bell, I started seeking out more female role models that are not necessarily talked about in your average history class. Then I started reading more about the ones who you may have heard about: Helen Keller, Amelia Earhardt, Sacajawea…. History is full of inspiring stories beyond the generic template lessons we learn in school.

I just finished Helen Keller’s short essay, Optimism, which is available for download. I recommend everyone read it. [It’s free, you have no excuse].

If anyone seemed to lack the tools to be optimistic, it would seem Helen Keller, for certain. Yet, she writes an essay all about the need; indeed, the practicality of optimism.

She points out that all progress is powered by a will that things can be better, a presumption of accomplishment. She believed that “optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.” She points to the history of our nation…the history of anything, really. No idea can be carried out without optimism.

Being blind and deaf, it is for sure that the people around her, aside from her parents, weren’t too optimistic that she would do anything significant. But her parents didn’t treat her as a victim. They treated her just as if she were a normal child, with high expectations.

Reading not only about her successes, but her attitude makes me more than a little guilty about my whining when things don’t go my way. She overcame more than I ever will and kept a positive attitude as an adult. When she was very young, she describes her early schooling;

“The few signs I used became less and less adequate, and my failures to make myself understood were invariably followed by outbursts of passion. I felt as if invisible hands were holding me, and I made frantic efforts to free myself.”

How often do we feel that way, despite having full use of all of our hearing and speaking? Can you imagine how hard it was for her?

But free herself, she did. It was all in her attitude.

c.2013

Moving on up

c.the oxfordplacediaries.blogspot.com

I want to begin by apologizing for not updating this blog in probably over a month. I actually have several starts and stops that I will eventually post. I’ve been on the ride of my life moving to my new home.

So after a long searching process, finding my dream home; and a longer closing process; fraught with bureaucracy and delays, I have been moving into my townhouse.

It’s just across town; Simple, right?

Well actually, 12 years of accumulated stuff is much harder to get rid of when you’re moving just a short car ride away. I found myself less inclined to toss, despite my boyfriends many pleas. [Yes, I really need to keep all of the many drafts of the graphic design project I did in college. They are cool to look at]. I’m surprised he didn’t just make secret trips to the dumpster, actually. It required numerous car trips back and forth and two large Uhaul trips.

Going through that many years of disorganized stuff is humbling, to say the least. Towards the end, I just wanted to toss it all.

The third night we came home to the security alarm going off. I certainly didn’t set it.

As the blaring sound became more deafening by the minute, I frantically looked for the scrap of paper with the code that was given to me at closing. Of course I couldn’t find it.

[It kind of left me wondering what the point of an alarm is, if it doesn’t sound outside the house (which I was grateful for), and doesn’t notify a police station. What is the good of the alarm if the only person it alarms is me?]

We are kind of running into each other, tripping over stuff, when we called the ADT service center printed on the alarm box.

Yelling through the mind stunting noise,

“No ma’am, I don’t know the code, but I live here.” I am doing little thinking and more reacting,

She is surprisingly sympathetic to me. I guess when you are an ADT operator, you are used to situations like this. She told me calmly, and in all seriousness,

“There are two wires, a red and a black one, pull either one of them.”

“WHAT?!  Can I pull both of them?!”

My ADT operator is probably more ok than I am with being yelled at. Not because she does a bad job, but just so she can HEAR me above the alarm.

“Oh NO, you just want to pick ONE,” she said firmly.

I had never heard of such a solution. Though I was uncomfortable with it’s ambiguity, I was content to risk possible electrocution than to listen to another minute of that noise; I yanked one of them, I forget which. Blissful silence ensued.

Our next discovery was that some of the outlets don’t work, actually a good number of them. When I couldn’t make coffee the first morning, I was so ready to move.

We called an electrician to fix the outlets. Ever hear of a GFI outlet? Why would you?

The neighbors are very cool. Not as many characters as the old place, which seems kind of boring, yet relieving at the same time. I still plan on writing a book, possibly a series, about my old neighborhood. It will probably go easier from a distance.

I absolutely LOVE my new townhouse, but I’m sure I will have many more adventures to post about. Stay tuned….

c. 2013