Threat

c. priceofoil.com

Sheila is bossing everyone around because the idea that she’ll lose control threatens her. Derek is passive aggressive to Sheila because his intelligence and competence are being questioned, [or threatened].

Both are acting snappish to the customers because it’s tense. The customers feel threatened by surliness of the staff so they respond in a like manner. The Café feels more like a battle zone than place of refuge.

Threat doesn’t have to refer to mortal fears, i.e. he threatened her with a gun. Anything that threatens your inner peace or well-being can be stressful.

It is not always possible to employ the “flight” response and leave every stressful situation.

It is also not moral or legal to destroy all of our stressors with the “fight” response.

And “freeze” just postpones things.

So how are we to respond?

Breathe.

Reframe.

Upshift.

Sheila is just as stressed out as Derek about something else. When we can recognize this, it seems less threatening. But it’s hard.

If Derek can recognize that Sheila’s issues are not about him, he can detach. He doesn’t have to be a victim. She ceases to be a threat.

It gets easier with awareness and practice.

It’s still annoying, but can be dealt with in a different manner than a threat would be. This slight tweak in your thinking will change everything. People can sense fear and it causes tension and gruff behavior. Though you still may still respond by fighting or fleeing, but your response won’t be powered by fear and you’ll have more control of the situation.

c. 2013

Guest Post: A Higher Power and a Higher Self By Don Everett Smith Jr.

c. www.merchantcircle.com

You're so mean when you talk/About yourself, you are wrong/

Change the voices in your head/Make them like you instead

         -Pink, “F---in’ Perfect”

In recent months I had been in a funk that almost touched on depression for several different reasons. Because of this I decided to call my old college buddy, Ralph Pinkerton, a writer from Fort Hawke (the home of the Lost Highway and the supposed home of a creature with black wings that the locals have nicknamed the Vampire).

He has stated publicly he is a recovering alcoholic and I consider him almost a scholar in Alcoholic's Anonymous (AA) Big Book. I knew he always offered a certain perspective on life, the universe and everything. And one day he was kind enough to hear me complain. You see, my wife and I were borrowing a car from a friend, because we were far from being able to afford a new one.

"This is not how this was supposed to turn out," I said to Ralph.

"How was it supposed to be?"

"I was supposed to be a famous journalist, comic book writer or screenwriter with, at least, my own car," I said.

(Granted there were several other things I was annoyed about, but for the sake of this blog I wanted to focus on that one issue).

He was quiet for a long, long moment.

"I have always said there are two things that I deal with that can be applied to you," he said.

"What's that?"

"I have always said I need to have more faith in my God and myself," he said.

Without turning this into a discussion of theology, psychologists have said belief in a Higher
Power and prayer help people live happier lives. Check out this April 2013 article about a study
from McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts:

Faith in a higher being has been found to significantly improve treatment for people 
suffering with a psychiatric illness 

"Let me quote from the Twelve Steps of A.A. ‘Made a decision to turn our will and or lives over
to the care of God as we understood Him’," Ralph said.

I had to admit that I had not done that.

Then Ralph asked me, “Do you believe in yourself?”

I had to admit, again, that I was not. Many of the issues I deal with today result from feelings
about myself after several years of elementary school peer victimization.
Or as some psychologists put it - “being bullied.”

“It is time to do something about that,” Ralph said. “Pick one small task and accomplish it.”
He also added, “Do yourself a favor, and keep a sense of humor. It will fill in the cracks left
when your faith in God and yourself is weak.”

I thanked him. I wish I could say I applied it perfectly to my life, but I do my best.
The first I act I did was making my bed. Just accomplishing that one thing was able to help me
feel a little bit better about myself and this led to other positive things.

Look what my wife and I were able to pick up this weekend thanks to the help and knowledge of
several friends: While this is not the end of all my issues and problems, it is, I believe with God's help, some belief in myself, a ton of assistance from my friends and the love of my wife Laura, it is a new
start.

c. Don Smith

Sometimes, that is all we need.
Thanks, Brooke, for the spot!

c. 2013

Helen Keller, a lesson in optimism

c. biography.com

 After learning of Gertrude Bell, I started seeking out more female role models that are not necessarily talked about in your average history class. Then I started reading more about the ones who you may have heard about: Helen Keller, Amelia Earhardt, Sacajawea…. History is full of inspiring stories beyond the generic template lessons we learn in school.

I just finished Helen Keller’s short essay, Optimism, which is available for download. I recommend everyone read it. [It’s free, you have no excuse].

If anyone seemed to lack the tools to be optimistic, it would seem Helen Keller, for certain. Yet, she writes an essay all about the need; indeed, the practicality of optimism.

She points out that all progress is powered by a will that things can be better, a presumption of accomplishment. She believed that “optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.” She points to the history of our nation…the history of anything, really. No idea can be carried out without optimism.

Being blind and deaf, it is for sure that the people around her, aside from her parents, weren’t too optimistic that she would do anything significant. But her parents didn’t treat her as a victim. They treated her just as if she were a normal child, with high expectations.

Reading not only about her successes, but her attitude makes me more than a little guilty about my whining when things don’t go my way. She overcame more than I ever will and kept a positive attitude as an adult. When she was very young, she describes her early schooling;

“The few signs I used became less and less adequate, and my failures to make myself understood were invariably followed by outbursts of passion. I felt as if invisible hands were holding me, and I made frantic efforts to free myself.”

How often do we feel that way, despite having full use of all of our hearing and speaking? Can you imagine how hard it was for her?

But free herself, she did. It was all in her attitude.

c.2013

Moving on up

c.the oxfordplacediaries.blogspot.com

I want to begin by apologizing for not updating this blog in probably over a month. I actually have several starts and stops that I will eventually post. I’ve been on the ride of my life moving to my new home.

So after a long searching process, finding my dream home; and a longer closing process; fraught with bureaucracy and delays, I have been moving into my townhouse.

It’s just across town; Simple, right?

Well actually, 12 years of accumulated stuff is much harder to get rid of when you’re moving just a short car ride away. I found myself less inclined to toss, despite my boyfriends many pleas. [Yes, I really need to keep all of the many drafts of the graphic design project I did in college. They are cool to look at]. I’m surprised he didn’t just make secret trips to the dumpster, actually. It required numerous car trips back and forth and two large Uhaul trips.

Going through that many years of disorganized stuff is humbling, to say the least. Towards the end, I just wanted to toss it all.

The third night we came home to the security alarm going off. I certainly didn’t set it.

As the blaring sound became more deafening by the minute, I frantically looked for the scrap of paper with the code that was given to me at closing. Of course I couldn’t find it.

[It kind of left me wondering what the point of an alarm is, if it doesn’t sound outside the house (which I was grateful for), and doesn’t notify a police station. What is the good of the alarm if the only person it alarms is me?]

We are kind of running into each other, tripping over stuff, when we called the ADT service center printed on the alarm box.

Yelling through the mind stunting noise,

“No ma’am, I don’t know the code, but I live here.” I am doing little thinking and more reacting,

She is surprisingly sympathetic to me. I guess when you are an ADT operator, you are used to situations like this. She told me calmly, and in all seriousness,

“There are two wires, a red and a black one, pull either one of them.”

“WHAT?!  Can I pull both of them?!”

My ADT operator is probably more ok than I am with being yelled at. Not because she does a bad job, but just so she can HEAR me above the alarm.

“Oh NO, you just want to pick ONE,” she said firmly.

I had never heard of such a solution. Though I was uncomfortable with it’s ambiguity, I was content to risk possible electrocution than to listen to another minute of that noise; I yanked one of them, I forget which. Blissful silence ensued.

Our next discovery was that some of the outlets don’t work, actually a good number of them. When I couldn’t make coffee the first morning, I was so ready to move.

We called an electrician to fix the outlets. Ever hear of a GFI outlet? Why would you?

The neighbors are very cool. Not as many characters as the old place, which seems kind of boring, yet relieving at the same time. I still plan on writing a book, possibly a series, about my old neighborhood. It will probably go easier from a distance.

I absolutely LOVE my new townhouse, but I’m sure I will have many more adventures to post about. Stay tuned….

c. 2013

Uncertainty

c.www.bloomberg.com

Every time I glanced at the calendar & saw May 30^th circled, I would get a surge of excitement. [And not just because my birthday is the day before]. That was the scheduled closing date for my “new” condo. I am beyond excited. I am probably overblowing the fantastic-ness of it in my mind….but it’s pretty great.

Finally after all the weeding out the ‘maybes” from the “definitely nots,” and then the “absolutely” from the “maybes,’ it was all settled. We are moving to a much bigger, much cheaper condo not too far away from where we were. It is a new area of town, with lots of exciting, new things. I am truly dwelling in possibility, as Emily Dickinson describes.

May 30^th has come and gone....The word is that it might be the following week, but most likely the week after that. My lease is up June 30. I was indulging the idea of a leisurely month to move. We could take our time painting and making upgrades, not to mention that I have 12 years of accumulated stuff that I cringe at the idea of sorting through.

The idea of having to do it all in a weekend or a shorter amount of time scares me, but cutting it so close scares me even more. There is a distinct possibility that we could have a week where we are homeless. Our parents are there for US in a bind, but what am I going to do with my STUFF? [This is a perfect teaser for a future post I foresee on learning to letting go of crutches, props and material things, but I digress…]

It's comforting that the most upsetting thing is also possibly the most adjustable, is that my ideas and plans were infringed upon. This happens, and I should be used to by now. There are more certain solutions to my fears. I can pay for an extra month, I can put my stuff in storage, and stay in a hotel. These would definitely not be my first choice, by any means. But last resorts are still options. 

I am slowly learning to make friends with uncertainty.  I will deal with whatever happens. If it’s good…great! If it’s bad, I will have plenty of material to write about!

c.2013

Living your Dream: A Profile in Passion, Dr. Leila Denmark

Photo credit: Lynn Johnson

"Anything on earth you want to do is play. Anything on earth you have to do is work. Play will never kill you, work will. I never worked a day in my life."

Dr. Leila Denmark

I love to write about people who are passionate about their jobs. They really don’t work a day in their lives. It’s so inspirational! I found out about Dr. Leila Denmark while researching another project that I’m working on about amazing women in history.

In an age where medicine was a male-dominated profession, Leila Denmark stumbled upon her passion for healing. She grew up tending to the wounded farm animals on her Georgia farm. She had such a tender heart and a real knack for healing. This talent later translated to tending to humans. She was the only woman who graduated from the Medical College of the University of Georgia in Augusta.

In her 50 years of medicine, she treated thousands of patients in the private pediatric practice she opened in her home in 1930. But she also volunteered at the Central Presbyterian Baby Clinic, where she treated many more children of destitute parents who wouldn’t have been able to afford healthcare. She never turned anyone away.

It was there that she did the research, which led to her development of the invaluable whooping cough vaccine.

She never seemed to tire of treating the many children. Her grandson, Steven Hutcherson has said, “She would always say to the next family waiting in line to see her, 'Who is the next little angel?’”

She was a much sought-after doctor in her day. It has been said that she could determine exactly what was wrong just by looking at a child.

In the early 1960s, she began to handwrite her ideas and methods for childcare in  spiral notebooks. Those notebooks would become her privately published book, Every Child Should Have a Chance. It is her legacy, which has helped many parents who didn’t have the opportunity to get her personal counsel.

"She absolutely loved practicing medicine more than anything else in the world," said another grandson, Dr. James Hutcherson of Evergreen, Colo. "She never referred to practicing medicine as work."

 c. 2013

Worst first day ever

A.J. Clementes c. totallywp.com

 “F-----g s--t,” was probably not the best first phrase to utter on national TV on your first day as a news anchor.

First days on the job are generally not anybody’s best. I’m pretty sure I cried on my first day at Starbucks and I stumbled around so much on my first day at the Barnes & Noble Café, that they were probably ready to fire me right then. Several first days of my design jobs ended in fury, as well.

But A.J. Clemente had the worst first day ever….

His first job as a news anchor will not soon be forgotten. He was coanchoring at KFYR, an affiliate NBC station in Bismarck, North Dakota. He didn’t realize he was on the air when he unwittingly dropped the F-bomb. 

He was practicing pronouncing London Marathon winner, Tsegaye Kebede's, name, when the newbie let loose with a few other words that he, unfortunately pronounced all too well. Understandably startled, he stumbled through the rest of his newscast.

Van Tieu, A.J. Clemnte c. hot975fm.com

The poor choice of words left the station hustling for damage control, and Clemente hustling for a prayer of a second newscast, which he didn’t get.

His co-anchor, Van Tieu explained.

"We were caught off guard and [Clemente] didn't realize his microphone was on. And while that was no excuse - we do train our reporters to always assume that any microphone is live at any time - unfortunately we cannot take back what was said. But, we do apologize and hope that you may forgive us and rest assured, that something like this will not happen again," she said.

Stress and nerves will definitely cause us to act inappropriately. It’s certainly not the first time something like this has happened. I’m sure everyone remembers FOX News, Shepard Smith’s embarrassing slip, reporting on Jennifer Lopez.

He seems to be taking it in stride. After the incident, he tweeted.

"Unfortunately KFYRTV has decided to let me go. Thank you to them and everyone in ND for the opportunity and everyone for the support."

Mistakes are going to happen. Your recovery is what’s most important. This is good publicity for him.

"Rookie mistake," Clemente said. "I'm a free agent. Can't help but laugh at myself and stay positive. Wish I didn't trip over my 'freaking shoes' out of the gate."

 c. 2013