Boundaries

c. http://www.edbatista.com/

“So when can I take Baileys to the new dog park?” my friend, Carrie asked me.

You, singular? I thought.  

Uh, what’s the nicest way to say never, my strong will protests.

I wrote about my new dog a while back. She’s the best! She’s awesome and she’s my baby. I’m VERY protective of her. “Mama bear” doesn’t describe it adequately.

Recently Carrie has started a new dog walking service. I have the utmost respect and confidence in her. I really do want to support her in this venture, but I just can’t see myself letting Baileys walk with someone else. Not yet, anyway.  She’s got some quirks that I’m not sure will be adapted to as I like. It’s taken a while for me to get used to her habits, to feel confident walking her.

c.ponderabout.com

Besides, Carrie has some methods that are really not my style of training. They’re not wrong. They’re just different, they're just not right for Baileys. Right now, I think it’s important to maintain a uniform message to Baileys.

She is my friend, though. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

How many times has that reasoning led me down the wrong path?

“Hurting someone’s feelings” is not reason enough to ignore that little voice that says not a good idea. I trust that little voice. It has rarely ever steered me wrong.

Interestingly enough,  I have little problem initially saying no. [Because i know it's the right thing]. I will just dwell on it for hours and hours afterwards, feeling guilty. Should I have let her? Maybe I should have let her... She’s going to be mad... Maybe it would have been OK....

This is the precise reason why it is not ok. I can’t let it go. I'm actually not saying "no" forever. Just not right now. Baileys and I will both need to go through some changes. [Training, if you will].  I will not give it another thought until then.

c. 2014

It’s not about you

c.blog.mimecast.com

Slam, Crash, Thud. Jane’s co-worker would stalk into work, knocking things over as he passed.

“Good Morning!,”  Jane would say.

Silence.

Fifteen minutes passed before he finally mumbled something to her.

Jane confided that she always felt like he was mad at her, and she just wasn’t sure what she had done. It put her on edge all morning.

....

“Hi! How are you?” I greet the morning customer enthusiastically.

“Small coffee.”

“Sure. How’s your day going?”

“Blueberry muffin.”

My first thought is, what could I possibly have done to piss you off in the short interaction we’ve just had? Or did I, perhaps, piss you off yesterday and you are still venting from it?

Then I think of the MANY times I have been quiet and not talkative, and it’s been nothing about the person I was with, but more to do with me than them.

Surely they have other things in their lives to get upset about than little ol’ me.

It’s like my dreamy and wise boyfriend always says, “When someone honks at you, 90% of the time it’s not about you; the other 10% of the time they are wrong.”

If someone is acting hostile to you, don’t fret. It’s usually not about you.

I have to step back and ask myself, how many times have I been in a cranky mood and not very talkative? I think the whole time I was in school, I uttered 10 total words to my co-workers the first hour of my shift.

I also have the tendency to get lost in my thoughts. Perhaps others have this problem as well?

Of course, we should be open to the idea that it could be about us, but just not assume that it is. If it is, listen...don't be defensive. If it’s a valid critique, be open to change.

c.2014