It’s not about you

c.blog.mimecast.com

Slam, Crash, Thud. Jane’s co-worker would stalk into work, knocking things over as he passed.

“Good Morning!,”  Jane would say.

Silence.

Fifteen minutes passed before he finally mumbled something to her.

Jane confided that she always felt like he was mad at her, and she just wasn’t sure what she had done. It put her on edge all morning.

....

“Hi! How are you?” I greet the morning customer enthusiastically.

“Small coffee.”

“Sure. How’s your day going?”

“Blueberry muffin.”

My first thought is, what could I possibly have done to piss you off in the short interaction we’ve just had? Or did I, perhaps, piss you off yesterday and you are still venting from it?

Then I think of the MANY times I have been quiet and not talkative, and it’s been nothing about the person I was with, but more to do with me than them.

Surely they have other things in their lives to get upset about than little ol’ me.

It’s like my dreamy and wise boyfriend always says, “When someone honks at you, 90% of the time it’s not about you; the other 10% of the time they are wrong.”

If someone is acting hostile to you, don’t fret. It’s usually not about you.

I have to step back and ask myself, how many times have I been in a cranky mood and not very talkative? I think the whole time I was in school, I uttered 10 total words to my co-workers the first hour of my shift.

I also have the tendency to get lost in my thoughts. Perhaps others have this problem as well?

Of course, we should be open to the idea that it could be about us, but just not assume that it is. If it is, listen...don't be defensive. If it’s a valid critique, be open to change.

c.2014