c, http://www.rescuepost.com |
Matt is a guy I worked with who couldn’t take anything that
resembled criticism. His M.O. was to criticize the way I was doing things and
prove his rightness. Actually he may not even realize it. Which is probably the
most annoying thing.
We all know people we can’t talk to because everything is a
battle. Any comment is met with ruthless defense, when you weren’t even on the
attack.
These people are maddening to say the least. This is beyond
simply standing up for yourself. These
people are extreme. It’s almost as if they are anticipating an attack and are
reciting some script they have been working on for a long time. The thing is,
they probably have. They are most likely coming from a situation where they
were judged or criticized excessively.
It’s a primal response straight from our reptilian brains.
We are reptiles when we’re being defensive. It is motivated by fear and not
reason. We are not thinking when we are in this state, which is why rehearsed
lines are more prominent, as are fiery arrows of blame.
“Yeah, but you...”
“Well, why did you...”
So how do we deal with this? Hard as it may be, don’t fall
into the trap of defensiveness. Rise above. “Don’t go lizard, go turtle,” Martha
Beck suggests. Focus on something positive about the situation or think of
something to engage your thinking brain. She suggests thinking of a bright
color, or solving an analytical problem.
The reptilian brain operates out of scarcity. Something is
lacking; something is wrong. They zero in on the wrong things. Not only is the
good not on their radar, they have no hope. These people need assurance that
everything will be ok. Not so much in words, but in actions. It can be tough
when they are on their manic whirlwind of dis-ease.
That is why it is so important that, we, their counterparts
in this case, are operating from an attitude of “enough” or even abundance.
Another way to go about that is, instead of looking for things that are wrong,
look for things that are right. It will accomplish the same thing, but it will
completely change your mindset. This will help arm you from their defensive
jabs.
“Critical
thinking without hope is cynicism. Hope without critical thinking is naïveté.” Maria Popova
c. 2015
No comments:
Post a Comment