Just another cheating Thursday Night

c. bsm 2012 

We arrived early to Buona Vida, our Thurday trivia spot. 

We were all crammed in the teeny Italian restaurant. 

I’m claustrophobic, so until I found out that their food is fantastic, 

it was my least favorite spot.

All the good teams are there, so it’s hard to win. Add that with the fact that we generally don’t do well at Kevin's, the host, shows anyway.

We were all laughing. One of the teams were using Boobzie koozies for their drinks. It was a lighthearted atmosphere. We were sitting behind a wall that blocked vision from the host and us. There were two tables behind the wall, Us and a family who was cheating.

I told Kevin that the large family beside us were using their cell phones to look up answers, high-fiving each other when they got the answer right. Because you know it was a high-five worthy accomplishment to cheat and get the answer right. Good job on looking up the right answer!

Kevin is used to us obsessively ratting out cheaters, so he just kind of nods his head and makes a mental note of it.

As the evening is going on, they are still looking up answers, despite the warnings not to. So Adam goes up and tells Kevin that they’re still doing it.

At this point Kevin goes behind the wall to tell them himself.

“Oh, we’re just having fun. We’re going to leave soon, we don’t want to win any prizes, or anything like that,” the father says.

“Ok, just know that you’re not going to win any prizes, ‘ Kevin says.

They kind of shrug, but go back to eating their dinner and leave when they are done.

The thing is, as soon as they were caught, they were going to deny any prizes. If they hadn’t been caught, I doubt they would have been so honest.

Typical.

c. 2012

I'm a People-Person...another Character at the Cafe

http://scrapetv.com

Most people go to the coffee shop to work peacefully, meet with a friend to chat, etc. Yes, many go to meet new people, have a lively discussion or two. Very few people want to be accosted by Butch Bluebird.

Butch is a very enterprising, high rolling business type. We don’t actually know what he does. He supposedly runs 47 different companies….At a coffee shop with an outdated computer and a flip phone. He brings people together, in the business sense. He’s here to network, and network, he does. Few people forget Butch.

All of the other regulars are on to his scam. We all know word for word his schpeel.

Sidles up to unsuspecting victim; usually an attractive female, who he calls “sweetheart.” Unsuspecting targets soon are regretting their seemingly innocent stop into the coffee shop well into their conversation with him, which starts out innocently enough. He’ll give a little compliment. Then it’s, Can you help me get online? Then it’s What do you do? Do you need money to do it? And then it spirals out of control from there.

Whatever you do, happens to be just what Butch is looking for, be it a nursing student, a copywriter, or a computer tech. It’s going to be big, you’ve got to get in on this.

He’ll tell you all about it in a blur of non-sequiturs, curse words and racist comments. One idea is to replace all of the light posts owned by Duke Energy, and set them up with wifi to report outages quicker. He’s working on the hydrogen car; “we’re ready to go on this.” Gold mines, “we have a lot of money invested in this.” Oh, and he’ll act all creepy with your kids too.

His flip phone is always nearby to show how important he is. His brother works for Congress. He knows a guy, who knows a guy who knows Lou Gossett Jr. [Great guy]. Most people will go outside if they are going to be on a loud call while sitting nearby. Not Butch. We are privy to a one-sided conversation, by which you can tell what the other side is saying. They don't really know what he's talking about either.

It's good entertainment.

c. 2012

A Reason to Care

c.http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-

I was walking through the parking lot, when I saw a large guy with a sour expression painted on his face sitting in his car. As I passed, he hurled his drink, cup and all on the ground. He growled something I couldn’t really comprehend to his wife who came out of the liquor store.

I had to get off my high horse and bite my judgmental tongue to keep from saying something to him about littering; something just told me to walk on by.

There was just an aura about him that really discomforted me. You could tell he was miserable. He exuded despair. I don’t know anything about him, I have never seen him before.  But the story I created in my head about him really affected me.

I imagined the lethargic, obese guy is on welfare, unable to work, most likely has diabetes. Probably mad about the hand that was “dealt him”; probably doesn’t have many interests, probably doesn’t have a whole lot of enjoyment. With a life like that, why would you care?

I complain about my neighbor who has the gout. He is unemployed and spends his days shuffling back and forth to the liquor store, NEVER following crosswalk rules. Why should he? Why would he care if he got hit? Why would he care about the pain and trauma he would cause the person who hit him?

I had a pitying thought that people so hopeless probably don’t care much about social graces. Seeing that guy in the car strangely changed me. It made me so grateful for the things I have. It made me grateful that I do have a reason to care.

I felt so enlightened, so free, with my new revelation, I totally didn't realize I cut this elderly lady off in line.

c. 2012

Work your Mojo

http://cf.mp-cdn.net/b1/ca/560f5b06
32db3a5372fc44c5d89d.jpg

Mojo: a magic spell, a hex, or charm, broadly: magical power

Mojo. The word conjures up psychedelic flashbacks of Austin Powers chasing Dr. Evil, trying to get his back. Strangely enough, that’s an appropriate parallel. We all have mojo. Too often, it gets threatened, even stolen by people and circumstances. We all must spend our lives chasing it back.

I just finished reading Geralyn Lucas’ memoir, Why I Wore Lipstick to my Mastectomy, her story of how she found and kept her mojo in the face of cancer. I started reading it for research, not even intending to finish it. [It’s not like I haven’t heard cancer stories before]. But I found myself so inspired and drawn in I couldn’t put it down.

Geralyn was diagnosed with breast cancer at 27, requiring a mastectomy. While most would see this as a death sentence, she not only survived, she thrived. She tells how kindred spirits came out of the woodwork. How she learned to let go of certain security blankets she had grown deeply attached to and find her inner strength. How she dealt with the effects of having a mastectomy. How her search for the perfect bra was completely different from other women her age. How despite nearly transferring her office to the bathroom to accommodate puking at any moment, she got a promotion. How she beat the odds and got pregnant. How not being assured of a next moment gave her the power to truly focus and live fully in the moments she had by taking risks, and laughing.

“I have cast a spell over my own life. I have willed myself to find my magic that must still be there. Despite the baldness and one boob, and occasional heaving, I am charming. I have met my mojo.”

Today she is motivating and inspiring survivors and people who have never given cancer a second thought with her story. I imagine her at the bar drinking her coke adorned with one of those Boobzie coozies.

“If my life is short, I need to taste it now. Mojo.”

c. 2012

What do you Crave?

c. Omar Manejwala

We all crave something. Our society is based upon cravings and addictions. What will satisfy me NOW; What will get me though THIS.

I met Dr. Omar Manejwala at my local Starbucks just last week. He was working on his forthcoming book, when he asked me about the trivia tournament he had overheard me talking about to the baristas. Later, I asked him about the phone conversation I had overheard with his publisher.

Are you writing a book? I asked.

His book is called Craving:Why We Can’t Get Enough by Hazelden Publishing, due out in spring 2013.

I was really excited. Do you talk about the reptilian brain? I eagerly asked him.

Throughout our conversation, I found out that not only does he have extensive knowledge of the reptilian brain, he had worked at the same hospital I do. He now works in LA, and, yes, his clients have included celebrities; but he’s not divulging which ones.

I was intrigued with the concept of his book, so I asked him what had sparked his interest in addiction. He has been in psychiatric practice for nearly a decade. While he started out with no interest in treating addiction, he quickly became the rock star of addictionology.

People’s cravings can adversely affect their lives and people don’t know to do with that.

He said he quickly realized the need for a book on cravings. With all his experience, he was definitely up to the job.

He told me,

Cravings originate in the paleo-brain. Frequently they are somewhat outside of our control. Interplay between deep brain structures, neo- cortex, memory, thoughts, experience and context generates [our] cravings. They are determined both by deep urges that develop mentally and [through our] experiences.

Most people don’t seek treatment for their cravings, unless they are severe addictions, but when they have milder problems they won’t seek help.

I asked him what the number one secret to beating cravings was.

He listed a few for me:

the power of group, altruism, reframing situations, and forming new habits.

I asked him if he was somewhat jaded from all of his years doing this, if everything has become textbook, so to speak. I wanted to know if anything gets to him.

Anytime you are treating a devastating illness it can be tough. Often the family’s response is the hardest. Addiction is a family disease, the effects go on for years. Families are systems, they like homeostasis, if one member decides to get well, that can be a tremendous stress to the family.  Its also incredibly rewarding work.

If you have any system and you change one part of it, the rest of it is forced to change.

People don’t like change, even good change. So he spends a lot of his efforts on helping and supporting families. He says, unlike a job, where you can just leave if you don’t like the way things are going, you often can’t choose to leave a family. So people feel trapped.

He’s seen families of adolescents in eating disorder treatment. Whether or not they admit it, the parents feel responsible for child’s eating disorders. They feel shame, shock. Even if they can’t admit that they feel guilty, they often do.

He says that the teen might complain to their parent about the difficulty of the treatment. The parent feels guilty and pulls them out of rehab, and then, of course, nothing changes.

He doesn’t like the word dysfunctional. It takes a lot more than you would think it takes [to change]. It takes forgiveness, acceptance, accountability and people need to clean up their messes.

He talks about the importance of systems. Just because you stop doing what you’re craving doesn’t mean you are cured. Take care of the problem, change your environment.

I asked him if he ever felt discouraged when, despite his best efforts, he couldn’t help someone.

He said that you hope you are making a difference even if someone doesn’t meet their goals. Instead of thinking in terms of success and failure, think in terms of the journey.

c. 2012

My Interview with Absolutely Abby

Abby Kohut
c. http://content.clearchannel.com

Abby Kohut is on a mission to help a million job seekers. Abby is a Human Resource professional by day. By night and weekends, she is all about inspiring and educating people to find their perfect job, as Absolutely Abby. I had the opportunity and privilege to speak with her.

Not only was Abby was included in the list of top 100 influential people online according to Fast Company Magazine, but she was named as one of The Monster 11 for 2011: Career Experts Who Can Help Your Job Search.  

She shares all her secrets on how to land a job. Her 15 years experience as a corporate recruiter definitely gives her the edge. Abby has been helping people find not just jobs, but careers, since 2009 through her books, speeches, and website.

I asked her to share one of her secrets, and she has an ingenious idea about how to get your resume actually seen by someone.

Normally a recruitment ad requests that a job seeker send their resumes into a company’s applicant tracking system, a.k.a “the black hole.” To get out of the hole, you need to have a mind meld with the recruiter. That is, your resume needs to have the exact words on the recruiter’s mind as he or she starts to search for candidates. After you send your resume into the back hole, send it in via fax to the hiring manager so you can be sure that someone is going to see it and read it. You’ll have to find the hiring
manager via LinkedIn or the company’s website. If you get it wrong, no worries! The person you sent it to will send it to the correct person but you still get credit for trying.

I asked Abby why HR has such a bad rep. Everyone seems to have a bad taste in their mouth from it. In preparation for this interview, I checked out a job description for an HR manager. It included duties like organizational departmental planning; compliance to regulatory concerns; employee onboarding; company-wide committee facilitation; all sounded very mechanical to me.

While Abby acknowledges that this perception is a problem, she assured me that those things are there to help people. She told me that what she does is help hire people, and then help them get things like benefits and 401ks. She says that she doesn’t understand why HR is frowned upon, because they are very helpful. She thinks it’s very misunderstood.

I watched several interviews with her, and more than once she said that oftentimes she just wanted to jump across the desk and give the person a hug and give them the absolute truth about job seeking. I asked her how she became the HR person with a heart, so to speak.

She said, Well, you don’t become one, you just are one.  

What’s so cool about Abby is that she not only helps people find jobs, but she helps them find their passions. I asked her why this was important.

She said, If someone gets into a job that they love, they’re going to perform better, get promoted quicker, and it practically won’t feel like a job. I like people to come into the company that really love both the company and job. If you are in a job you hate, you won’t flourish and you’ll usually quit or be asked to leave. It’s a no win situation

As part of her mission, she helps people get around HR, offering ways to ace the interview.

When I ask you your greatest weakness, by all means, don’t say THAT.

She says having a weakness isn’t necessarily a bad thing. She coaches people on her website and her books to answer those kinds of questions intelligently.

Abby has a way to answer the weakness question in a way that turns it around to your benefit.

"Take your weakness and explain why it’s a weakness and how the manager can help

you overcome it or how you are working to improve it."

For example, “I’m a perfectionist which means that finishing projects can be challenging. If you give me a deadline, I’ll be sure to complete the project as close to perfect as I can.”

She says we all have weaknesses and you want to work in a job where they don’t get in your way. She says that you’re doing no favors by hiding them. If someone doesn’t have writing skills, they might get a writing job, by having someone eIse write their resume; but their weaknesses are eventually going to come out. You shouldn’t be applying for jobs that require skills you don’t have.

I knew that she had encountered many stressed out people in her 15 years of experience. I asked her what the funniest thing she had ever seen in an interview was.

She didn’t know if this had to do with stress, but on a phone screen to Chicago, she called this man and he proposed to her on the phone. He said she had a nice voice.

When she told him she was calling from a private company and not a headhunter,  he felt bad.

Her response? I just tried to get off the phone and move on to normal people.

That incident notwithstanding, she doesn’t get stressed out at work, because she is passionate about what she does.

You can check out Abby’s job searching genius on AbsolutelyAbby and her latest book,  Top 12 Interview Questions Exposed  which teaches you how stand out in a crowd of job seekers.

c.2012

Opposite sides

b1mas4.com

My heart is pounding, as I sit at the computer thinking of my retort. James and I are debating the latest political scandal. How am I going to say what I think about the issue without him taking it personally?

My friend, James, and I are about as different as they come. He could be my foil. He is  Liberal black atheist, to my Conservative white Christian.  Strangely enough, we like to debate. I am probably the least qualified person to be arguing anything. I don’t like dissent. 

Discussions about religion, race relations, sexual orientation, and oh yes, politics, will always be very emotionally charged, whether we mean for it to or not. Anything that your heart is fully vested in has the tendency to turn ugly. We will almost always get defensive, because all parties involved will feel attacked.

Misunderstandings abound because our minds fill in the blanks of what they are saying, whether they actually are or not. Generalizations and accusations pepper the arguments. Or we just disagree with them, and know there is no sense in defending our case because they’ll never say, “You know I never thought of that. Thank you for opening my eyes.”

Real discussion is still good because there is nothing quite like the free exchange of ideas. But we need to listen with an open mind, while not compromising ours. That’s tricky.

c. 2012